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I Don’t Trust You

I don’t trust you.
I relieve you of all burden to meet my expectations.
To be anyone I need you to be in order to feel safe.
I don’t trust you and I don’t expect you to trust me.
I relieve myself of all burden to be who you think I am.

And I open my heart as wide as I feel I can.
And that part of me still behind the curtain of
old paradigm beliefs and thoughts
looks to see if you have too.

And I feel happy when I think you have.
And sad when I think you haven’t.
And I tremble with anxiety when I think I have and you haven’t.

And then I remember.
I don’t trust you.
I don’t need to trust you.
My heart is not a fragile thing made of glass.
It is strong beyond all knowing.
It can open wide enough for the whole world to flow through it.
And it takes nothing from me, even when I give it all.

Because Love flows through my heart.
A stream of energy that I can’t keep.
Can’t hold tight onto it.
It moves
Emotion.
Energy in motion.

And every break it has ever had
has only been there to tear it wider.
To open it more.
To expand it so that even more Love can flow through it.

I don’t trust you.
I relieve you of the burden to approve of me,
because I am already Accepted.
I relieve you of the burden to love me,
because I am already Loved.
But I invite you in to share my love.
Share in my sharing.
To play with this flow that bounces between people
As they wax and wane in connection.

I don’t trust you and you needn’t trust me.
Only share what is True for you
And I will do the same.

I don’t trust you.
But I trust myself wholly
to be able to handle anything that
Life can ever bring to me.

Anything.
Through anyone.

Even you.

Comments

  1. This is absolutely fantastic, Natalie. Thank you for sharing it. Something I’ve come to know in my life, too (though I’ve never expressed it quite so beautifully). And something of which I continually need to remind myself. I’m going to bookmark this and you can do that for me :).

    • Thank you! And yes, I come back to this writing, that came through in a moment of clarity, once in a while, just to remind myself too 🙂

  2. It is really lovely and it speaks to me.Thanks Natalie.

  3. I read this via a blog recently when I asked, “why don’t I believe him when he says he loves me”. Through your poem it made me realise that the fault is not with him, it is with me and such high expectations I conjured up, which would always make him fail. This poem offered such clarity and instantly calmed me.
    Beautiful x

Trackbacks

  1. […] I want to share a poem with you that I think is good medicine for you, right now. It is called “I Don’t Trust You” and was written by a lovely woman named Natalie Chalmers. […]

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