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Yes, My Boobs Sag And Yes, They Are Beautiful!

This little incident happened today and I posted about it to Facebook:

your hair smells like perfume

 

It got this train of thought started …

I also absolutely love that my children look at me in the shower or when I’m getting dressed and compliment me on my belly (and when those compliments are about how squidgy it is, I can smile and enjoy it and not wince, not even on the inside).

Or when they tell me how beautiful my breasts are or my skin is, or .. well, just about any part of my body, but especially those parts I know most people (women) hate as I have done and that I now focus on as being beautiful, no matter how flabby or wrinkly or even saggy they might seem to me, because I love my body in spite of that. Maybe even because of that, actually.

“mommy, your [insert body part here] is *so* beautiful”

I hear it often and I love it, not because I need the compliments, but because it reminds me that I model body-love to my children. I don’t always feel it, but even on those bleugh days where I feel fat or old or ugly (thankfully so rarely now compared to ten or fifteen years ago!), I don’t badmouth myself in front of my children.

Our Bodies Are Different And Equally Beautiful

I talk about my body in positive terms, just the same way I talk about their bodies (as a parent I think my children’s bodies are exquisite!). This sounds so simple, but I can’t tell you how different it is from the way I was raised or the intense self loathing and shame I have had about my body or face for most of my life. I’m still a work in progress there, but overall, I think I’m doing pretty well, based on the reflections I see in my children.

Others Are Doing It Too

I read something recently about how we tell little girls how beautiful and perfect they are, while as women focusing on how unattractive and old we look: worrying about wrinkles and sagging jowls and bellies and breasts .. what does that tell them? That they’re beautiful as long as they’re young and all they’ve got to look forward to is becoming unattractive old women?

I Think I’m Doing Imperfectly OK

It made me glad to think that my children find me beautiful as I am because they hear me say it too and can feel that I believe it (and I really do, most of the time), and that they feel awesome about their own bodies. That they have heard this since they were born and it’s what seems normal to them.

That they think lines and wrinkles and grey hairs are beautiful, as beautiful as youth, and that the airbrushed images we see in magazines are the oddities.

Grateful

I feel grateful that I have healed enough to model body love to my children.

How About You?

It’s not the first time I’ve thought about it. A while back, I saw this conversation on Facebook and it made me wonder, how is it that a child thinks of their mom as a ‘clown’ when she puts make up on, or calls their mom a ‘fat hippo’ in front of her friends? Does the mom say these things about herself? Or to her child? Or does the dad or someone else talk to her like that in front of her children? Maybe it’s just from TV and not addressed because it’s ‘comedy’?

children comment on parents body

I’m not even calling these specific moms out and if they see themselves, I hope they take this in the spirit it is intended, because I think it’s common in our culture and it felt important to speak of the feeling that comes through their posts to me: that it’s not ok, it doesn’t feel ok to them, but we all shrug and laugh it off.

And I want us as women, beautiful women with life etched onto our bodies to ask ourselves, how do we feel about this conversation?

To ask yourself how you want to feel about your body, and how you want your children to feel as they grow up?

How do you speak to yourself about your body?

What do your children think you feel about your body?

 

Just One Thing

If there is any one thing you could do to model body love to your children today .. what would it be?

 

 

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Avoidance Is Not Transcendence

When I logged onto Facebook this morning, one of the first things I saw, was this image and quote posted by Effortless Peace:

The moment you completely accept your non-peace, your non-peace becomes transmuted into peace. Anything you accept fully will take you into peace. This is the miracle of surrender.
~Eckhart Tolle

 

That’s the key .. total embracing of where we are and going through it not avoiding it or distracting ourselves from it .. even with heightened “spiritual” states of being or “positive thinking”.

I recently heard someone describing how they “transcend” their non-peace. When we talked about it, I found it never went away, constantly reappearing and playing out; they often awoke with it waiting for them because their resistance to it was lowered during their sleep.

This person said they “transcended it” .. by keeping their distance from it, not wanting it to take over their day and waited for the feeling to go away (to be repressed again).  They avoided it instead of embracing it because they were afraid that the non-peace would engulf them if they allowed it the full expression it needed.

The irony is the fear of it perpetuated it while embracing it takes us right to a true peace.

If we are willing to go into our non-peace 100%, be willing to experience the momentary pain of self-growth, we will be gifted with long-term peace. And there are many ways to do that, from talking it through with an objective friend who will not collude with us or judge us, using EFT, receiving shamanic or other healing or working with a mentor in a safely held space.

Sometimes, that peace we gain is just knowing that we will not be engulfed by our non-peace and that it will naturally transmute to peace. Sometimes, we will free ourselves entirely from this specific non-peace for the rest of our time here, simply by allowing it to express fully and be healed.

 

I am so grateful I have discovered this simple truth and that this person blessed me with the reminder of how far I’ve come on my own journey ♥

 

If I can help you on yours, book a session with me. You might also like to see what others are saying about working with me.

 

Namaste ♥

 

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Authenticity

 

Our true power rises up from within us, from our essence.

We can’t pray for it to be given to us, bestowed on us by any external force, it is something that we choose in every moment to move towards or away from.

In every moment, in every interaction and in every action we have in our lives, we choose whether to honour the inspiration that comes from within us, that is our authentic self, or we choose to react or respond from another place, whether conditioning that we have learned, from past wounds that inhibit us, or from a place of obligation or what we think others expect of us.

It is very very difficult to live in the moment, free of any direction but the one within us. We constantly adjust our behaviour in subtle or not so subtle ways to be who we think will be more acceptable to the person in front of us, or to the people in our heads by whose standards we silently judge ourselves.

However, the cost of that is that each time we choose to act from anything other than our authentic, whole, unwounded self, to fit in or to have peace or to avoid hurting someone’s feelings, we actually lose spiritual power as we disconnect ourselves ever so slightly from Source and Truth and instead live a ‘peaceful’ lie.

To be totally ourselves and to be accepted or rejected for that is ultimately the most empowering thing we can do for ourselves and all other beings, compared to being accepted for being an inauthentic version of ourselves, which, ultimately, not only disempowers us, but also those who know or love the fake version of ourselves that we project ‘for them’.

Today, when you are able to bring awareness to the moment, stop and feel into it .. what is motivating you? Are you hiding your authentic self for short-term acceptance or approval?

 

How can you be more authentic in this moment?

 

And know, that true authenticity, flows from your essence .. within it is held the love and compassion for all other beings.

Have faith that when you express yourself in words or actions from your true essence that all are held in Love and Grace ♥